Between the hot flashes, the hangover and all the SPAM on my computer, there’s no way I’ll get anything done before 8 o’clock this morning.  I came in early to get ahead, and already I’m behind. 

I take a restorative sip of my murky-but-effective vending machine coffee, and start my one-finger delete. Away go the on-line offers for cheap vacations, low refinancing rates and medicine from Canada.  Adios to international drivers licenses and work at home money-making schemes.

 At least I’m not the only one here. Downstairs in the newsroom, over-caffeinated producers working the graveyard shift click intently through the wires, scanning their computers to find stories for the noon newscast. The sleek new anchorwoman, Ellen, doesn’t have to be in her chair for the local news update until 8:24, so the “new face of Channel 3,” as the promos brand her, is probably in her dressing room perfecting the shimmer level of her lip gloss.

Ellen’s essentially a super-model with reading skills, and I applaud anyone who can come out so cover girl so early in the morning. But as the station’s investigative reporter, I spend most of my time tracking down sources and digging through documents. As a result, I don’t always have to look TV-acceptable.

Good thing.  At 46, it’s possible my ‘hot flashes’ owe more to the station’s eccentric heating system than to hormones. But facing reality, facing the camera takes a lot more time than it did twenty years ago.  And considerably more makeup. Still, as long as they're not calling me "the old face of Channel 3," I figure I'm in the clear.

Today I’m planning total off-the-air mode. My usually high-maintenance hair is twisted up with a pencil and I’m on a hell or highwater mission--come up with a blockbuster story so Channel 3 will win the November ratings contest and I can keep my job. 

 I was initiated into ratings worship my first day at the station. Back then I was very eighties in my high-necked blouse and cameo brooch. Brooke Shields eyebrows. Bart Starr shoulders.  Brenda Starr dreams. 

“Here’s a course they don’t teach you in J-school,” my news director said, gesturing me into his office. “Bottomline 101: TV News is Not All About Journalism—It’s All About Money.” Then he clicked open a computer spreadsheet, revealing a screen filled with tiny numbers. 

“These are ‘the overnights,’” he intoned.

I remember thinking: “Who’s staying overnight?” Luckily, he continued before I could actually ask such a naïvely newbie question.

“The overnight numbers arrive electronically every morning,” he went on. “They show us how many viewers watched each newscast the day before.  It’s a contest. Whichever TV station gets the highest viewership ratings gets to charge the highest rates to advertisers.”

He nodded, narrowing his eyes, and pointed to me.

“You win--especially the all-important November ratings--and you’re in the money,” he pronounced.  “You lose, you’re a goner.”

As it turned out, he’s the one who’s gone, but I’m still front-lining in the ratings wars. And that’s why every fall for the past 20 or so years, I’ve had to dig up a big story, a heavy-hitter, one that’ll get a ratings home run. Score, and my job is safe for another year. Strike out, and I could be shipped away from Boston and sent to cover the news in some culture-forsaken small-market backwater. So far, I haven’t had to call my agent or a moving company.

But now, because the arrival of my new boss has unfortunately coincided with the arrival of my contract expiration date, I’ve got to come up with a bigger story than ever.   

If I don’t, News Director Kevin O’Bannon may be tempted to hire some half-my-age Cyndi from Cincinnati for half my salary, and everyone at Channel 3 will get one of those transparent “Charlotte McNally has decided to leave Boston to pursue other opportunities” emails. 

They say you’re only as good as your last story.  Fine. My last story was a 3- part series on State House bid-rigging that gave a few slimily corrupt politicians a new job making license plates. November ratings? Bring ‘em on.  

“Charlie—hey, Charlie. You here?”  

I look up from my SPAM–deleting. Someone’s crashing open the heavy glass double doors that lead into the Channel 3 Investigative Unit.  And they’re looking for me.

My brain starts to buzz. Maybe there’s breaking news. Maybe I’m the only on-air type here. Face time is always good. More likely, though, whoever it is probably wants me to go interview the latest lottery winner or something equally predictable. Dog falls in well. Tree falls on house. Ratings-grabbers, I suppose, but not what I call journalism.

I briefly contemplate hiding under my desk, but a quick assessment tells me that won’t work—my collection of back-up shoes occupies all the available space. Besides, my news Spidey-sense is pinging into high. I remember when Mom caught me reading the last chapter of my Nancy Drew first. She was bewildered, but as nine-year-old me explained, I hafta know what happens. All these years later, I’m still incurably curious. And now, maybe ‘what’s happened’ is actually something newsworthy.

“Yup, in here,” I call out. If it’s the saving-the-dog-in-the-well gig, I’ll just say no. Let ‘em fire me. I touch my wooden desk to defuse the jinx. Didn’t really mean that.

Teddy Sheehan, shirt tails out, coffee-stained khaki pants, arrives in my doorway with a look on his face I instantly recognize: producer emergency. He bats his plastic water bottle against his leg, making a little pocking sound that punctuates his obvious agitation.

“I can’t find Ellen Cavanagh,” he says, inspecting my tiny office as if she might be lurking there. “She’s supposed to be on the anchor desk for the next newsbreak, but she’s nowhere. It’s crazy. If I can’t find her—“

I know where this is headed. A jolt of news adrenaline erases my ill-advised third-glass-of-white-wine hangover. “No problem,” I assure him. “Let’s go.”